I'm the best mom ever...
I have, happy well adjusted children.
Perhaps you need to let your eyes roll over that a few more times. I know I do. I've been staring at these words for half an hour, and I'm certainly no less shocked than you are.
I'm not supposed to have happy, well adjusted kids. I'm supposed to have screwed up, neurotic kids.
Of all the moms at Camp Awana today, my kids are supposed to be the ones you worry about. They're the ones from the broken home, who's mom works too much, who were recently promoted to latch key kids at probably too young an age. They're the ones who's dad left 3 years after their mom ripped the marriage vows to shreds, who - in that time - watched their mom go to the brink of sanity & back, watched her carried away by medication, only to be brought back for the express purpose of watching their beloved grammie die. They're the ones who then saw her swept into a relationship that took her even futher from the Lord who would have rescued her at any point, watched that man move into their very home for over a year.
They're the ones who saw their daddy date girls almost half his age, one after another, always getting their hearts broken a little each time his was.
But today, oh today, what a day.
There are other moms. There are more well adjusted moms. There are more confident moms. There are moms who haven't failed at nearly every turn. There are moms with impressive records of faithfulness to God & husband behind them.
But not one of those moms has my kids. I have my kids. The happiest kids at camp. The kids who cried several times this week because they missed this flawed & insecure crazy person God has entrusted them to - but who, not for one minute, even entertained the possibility of giving up on the adventure & fun that Camp held for them. Kids who took a boat ride with me & told me what they learned from their Bible hour. Kids who made friends so quickly & well that by the end of the day, I was surrounded with kids. I was surrounded with kids that MY kids were taking care of. MY KIDS were encouraging these other kids!!! MY KIDS are memorizing scripture, telling me how they know they will go to heaven, and loving every minute of it!
I titled this blog, "I am the best mom ever" ... I was being ironic. I think rather that God is gracious & good, that he gives me more than I deserve. If you'd have told me on the day they were handed to me that this day would be like it was ... I never could have gotten my mind around it. I still can't. All I know is that every choice I've ever made for good or for ill led me to a nearly perfect day with 2 people who have blown me away & they're not even 9 and 10 years old.
They came from inside me, but now they are very much outside me, and I am so proud of them, and they are such a part of me that I don't know how to reconcile the pride I have in them & the humiliation I have known in myself.
Dear God, thank you for my children, for the ways You have protected them & molded them from such a flawed place, & for the sensitive people they are becoming. Keep them safe, and continue to reveal Yourself to them. May this week go quickly for me & may they savor every minute.
Perhaps you need to let your eyes roll over that a few more times. I know I do. I've been staring at these words for half an hour, and I'm certainly no less shocked than you are.
I'm not supposed to have happy, well adjusted kids. I'm supposed to have screwed up, neurotic kids.
Of all the moms at Camp Awana today, my kids are supposed to be the ones you worry about. They're the ones from the broken home, who's mom works too much, who were recently promoted to latch key kids at probably too young an age. They're the ones who's dad left 3 years after their mom ripped the marriage vows to shreds, who - in that time - watched their mom go to the brink of sanity & back, watched her carried away by medication, only to be brought back for the express purpose of watching their beloved grammie die. They're the ones who then saw her swept into a relationship that took her even futher from the Lord who would have rescued her at any point, watched that man move into their very home for over a year.
They're the ones who saw their daddy date girls almost half his age, one after another, always getting their hearts broken a little each time his was.
But today, oh today, what a day.
There are other moms. There are more well adjusted moms. There are more confident moms. There are moms who haven't failed at nearly every turn. There are moms with impressive records of faithfulness to God & husband behind them.
But not one of those moms has my kids. I have my kids. The happiest kids at camp. The kids who cried several times this week because they missed this flawed & insecure crazy person God has entrusted them to - but who, not for one minute, even entertained the possibility of giving up on the adventure & fun that Camp held for them. Kids who took a boat ride with me & told me what they learned from their Bible hour. Kids who made friends so quickly & well that by the end of the day, I was surrounded with kids. I was surrounded with kids that MY kids were taking care of. MY KIDS were encouraging these other kids!!! MY KIDS are memorizing scripture, telling me how they know they will go to heaven, and loving every minute of it!
I titled this blog, "I am the best mom ever" ... I was being ironic. I think rather that God is gracious & good, that he gives me more than I deserve. If you'd have told me on the day they were handed to me that this day would be like it was ... I never could have gotten my mind around it. I still can't. All I know is that every choice I've ever made for good or for ill led me to a nearly perfect day with 2 people who have blown me away & they're not even 9 and 10 years old.
They came from inside me, but now they are very much outside me, and I am so proud of them, and they are such a part of me that I don't know how to reconcile the pride I have in them & the humiliation I have known in myself.
Dear God, thank you for my children, for the ways You have protected them & molded them from such a flawed place, & for the sensitive people they are becoming. Keep them safe, and continue to reveal Yourself to them. May this week go quickly for me & may they savor every minute.
posted by JennW7773 | 8:45 PM
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