I am reading a book right now which is getting to me. Maybe you've read BOLD LOVE - and you've already processed it. But I'm still in the thick of it.
Today, I received a devotion - a portion of which was as follows:
If I dared rip off the façade you would see my rotted frame, gaping holes and leaky life. I was afraid you would run screaming at the sight, if you saw me exposed. I was afraid of your reaction.
What am I really afraid of? If God is for me, who can be against me?
I find that once I deal with the first part of that (Is God REALLY for me???),
the fear of the second is lessened (are you AGAINST me?)
What happened to Jacob - the supplanter - that night at Penniel? ("I will not let you go unless you bless me!")
When he wresteled with God, saw His very Face, and lived?
He received a new name - Israel - ("he struggles with God")
What happens to me when I face the truth of the darkness in me - when I find that I am one who would accuse the Almighty (as Job did)
- when He shocks me with a response that does NOT include my annihalation?
It is true that the darkness in me is desperate beyond knowing. It is true that I was once at enmity w/ God.
What roads did I pave away from Him?
How do those roads continue today to easily bear me along a path of striving with Him?
Has He allowed to come to pass the very circumstances which would best expose these hidden & shameful ways?
And in the moment when I find myself face to face with Him, even (in all honesty) raging against Him, what do I find?
I am not surprised to find that He is everything I feared - not surprised to know that His exacting Holiness is just as unattainable as I thought it would be, and that it confirms my own failure to measure up.
But I am shocked to find no rejection, no punishment - rather passionate, relentless pursuit with the amazing strength of gentleness - and a punishment already meted out - upon His own Self - for my sake - by His grace.
This is stunning to me. Has the gospel become old to me? Is the good news just so-so these days?
I need only to reflect upon just what I have been forgiven OF. I am not primarily striving against the impatience with my kids, the disregard of my co workers, the inconsistency in my finances, or divorce or adultery or depression
"Cease striving & know that I am God - I will be exalted among the nations"
God has forgiven me
Who am I to argue? Who are you?
God has forgiven me - and looks upon me (even me) with tenderness & compassion & grace beyond words.
Can I even imagine that look in His eye? Might I see the face of God & live - even as Israel ("he struggles with God") - even as Israel did?
Today, I received a devotion - a portion of which was as follows:
If I dared rip off the façade you would see my rotted frame, gaping holes and leaky life. I was afraid you would run screaming at the sight, if you saw me exposed. I was afraid of your reaction.
What am I really afraid of? If God is for me, who can be against me?
I find that once I deal with the first part of that (Is God REALLY for me???),
the fear of the second is lessened (are you AGAINST me?)
What happened to Jacob - the supplanter - that night at Penniel? ("I will not let you go unless you bless me!")
When he wresteled with God, saw His very Face, and lived?
He received a new name - Israel - ("he struggles with God")
What happens to me when I face the truth of the darkness in me - when I find that I am one who would accuse the Almighty (as Job did)
- when He shocks me with a response that does NOT include my annihalation?
It is true that the darkness in me is desperate beyond knowing. It is true that I was once at enmity w/ God.
What roads did I pave away from Him?
How do those roads continue today to easily bear me along a path of striving with Him?
Has He allowed to come to pass the very circumstances which would best expose these hidden & shameful ways?
And in the moment when I find myself face to face with Him, even (in all honesty) raging against Him, what do I find?
I am not surprised to find that He is everything I feared - not surprised to know that His exacting Holiness is just as unattainable as I thought it would be, and that it confirms my own failure to measure up.
But I am shocked to find no rejection, no punishment - rather passionate, relentless pursuit with the amazing strength of gentleness - and a punishment already meted out - upon His own Self - for my sake - by His grace.
This is stunning to me. Has the gospel become old to me? Is the good news just so-so these days?
I need only to reflect upon just what I have been forgiven OF. I am not primarily striving against the impatience with my kids, the disregard of my co workers, the inconsistency in my finances, or divorce or adultery or depression
"Cease striving & know that I am God - I will be exalted among the nations"
God has forgiven me
Who am I to argue? Who are you?
God has forgiven me - and looks upon me (even me) with tenderness & compassion & grace beyond words.
Can I even imagine that look in His eye? Might I see the face of God & live - even as Israel ("he struggles with God") - even as Israel did?
posted by JennW7773 | 9:25 PM
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