Happy 2008!

What a year. What a silly three words to try & capture all that was 2007. It's nearly 1am - and I'm fighting for this moment to try & say goodbye, to say thank you. A year ago tonight, I began to find my proverbial feet in a world that was wholly mine.

This year, I walked away from things that were not good for me, even if I walked INTO them, I walked on out. I kept space in my life for things that were good for me - and found them assaulting me from directions I never knew possible.

I could re read this years blogs, and re celebrate moments that found me so overwhelmed - but I don't sit down tonight to reiterrate all that. I sit here tonight in gratefulness & humility. In a way, I'm stunned. This year was stunning. It's no exaggeration to call it the best yet. I cringe to think of it being gone.

I began this year looking forward to the trip of a lifetime - thinking how amazing it would be when the time came to leave. Little did I know that the trip would start months in advance of departure, as supporters rallied along side me, tangible reminders of God's faithfulness in provision - financially, but also as it pertains to spiritual & personal growth, emotional health, mental clarity and balance.

This was my year of Jubilee. I looked so forward to my birthday - thinking something must be special about 7-7-07. What a day to begin my pilgrimage to the Holy land.

This year, I started & ended in the same church - something I never would have thought possible upon leaving my old one. Whatever mistakes I made this year, I started and ended it by responding to God's grace instead of running from it - a goal acheived, and one which will be at the top of any list of New Year's Resolutions from now on.

My oldest daughter started middle school, my youngest started her first job - dog sitting. They are healthy, happy, confident & kind. They are lovers of Jesus and Shakespeare and the Chicago Cubs.

Productivity and recognition were some of the blessings of the work of my hands, and 2008 promises further opportunities there.

Two days ago, I went to my first ever Bears game.

Again, I can't capture with words everything that is due to 2007. As with so many loves in my life, I simply must say good bye. How refreshing to let go easily, knowing that I'm no less rich than I was 2 hours ago. How refreshing to look forward with faith & hope, the kind that has some reasonable substance behind it.

A sturdy structure on a solid foundation has replaced the house of cards. The counterfeit is fully exposed - and even replaced in so many ways - beyond all I could ask for or even imagine. I am loved and supported and respected and known. I am blessed beyond measure.

My most fervent hopes are with all of you in 2008. As we Cubs fans like to say, "Next year is here!" But perhaps Rabbi Saul once had such a year, as he recalled the words of the prophet Isaiah in I Corinthians 2:9

"No eye has seen,
no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those who love him"

Beautiful Stranger...

The shameful Chicago Bears just took the last of this season’s games from the Green Bay Packers. Cherry wood aroma fills my house. My dog lies content, and I am overwhelmed by the beauty of such moments as these – when all that I enjoy is condensed into such a space and time. Moments of lack – where emptiness or loneliness prevail –seem a distant (and slightly comic) memory. The tree is lit, and the presents under it threaten to overtake the living room. Tonight, my children will be home, and tomorrow starts the days which will fly busily past until all that’s left are tired eyes, full bellies and fuller hearts. And before I know it, 2007 – the greatest year of my life so far – will be over. This reality has pressed upon me for some days now, mingling contentment I’ve never known with a kind of mourning. As I have relived moments which would have stymied imagination 15 months ago, my thoughts turn to you. I know not where I’ll find you, or even if I’ll find you – but the beginnings of my attempts to put words to the gratefulness which is due this last year MUST include thoughts of you.

All that I’ve enjoyed this year came as if to prove a point – perhaps the point that just when I thought the best had past, I never could have been more mistaken. From Costa Rica to Jerusalem, to this very moment by the fire – words do not suffice to convey the things that have happened since the day I met you. And that’s OK, because any of the single moments in and of themselves (except perhaps Jerusalem) do not match the brilliance of their compilation in this moment. I can’t imagine that 2008 could possibly hold in store anything which might overwhelm me as much, let alone more. But then, I could never have predicted this. And for some reason, that very fact has my thoughts turned back to you.

I’ve heard it said of people in our lives, that some are there for a reason, or for a season. Circumstances being what they were, it quickly became clear that your stint in my life would not last a season. It is my sincerest hope for you at this Christmas time that your circumstances have only improved in every way imaginable. My reaching out to you now across the miles is not intended to disrupt any single thing in your world. I tried to convey to you once before how grateful I was to you for the work that you performed in my world. But at the time, I could not have known how it would continue in my life. Hindsight now clearing the view, I feel that much greater is your due; and so I reignite the struggle to convey to you just what a special thing occurred one weekend in Chicago.

The events of these last dozen months or more have been amazing, but what has captivated me in this moment is that weekend. It is coming clear to me now the way that so many blockages in my life were removed in just two days, and how all that came later was only then made possible. Certainly, I credit the grace of God first and foremost. And I have grown generous enough with myself to be proud of the accomplishments since then – personal, parental and professional. But I am compelled to reach out and again remind you of the part you played, whether you ever meant to or not. I am compelled to tell you that my gratitude at the time was in no way either fleeting or forgotten – or tied to any temporary agenda. I told you then that I regarded you as a gift, and over a year hence, the belief still holds true – and so does the gift. So thank you, and Merry Christmas – and the happiest of New Years.

Gratefully,
Jennifer